In times of change and uncertainty, it’s easy to feel under pressure. During these times, you may find yourself having interactions with people in stressful circumstances, where this ‘stress’ is directed at you.
Instead of reacting and escalating this tension, it’s always good to know how to respond in a way that brings things back to a level where a constructive conversation is possible.
In writing this post I selected this image for 3 reasons:
The character in the image is Domo
Domo is a well known Japanese character. Though he seems angry and unsettled, underneath Domo is a real softy and one of the best natured characters you’ll meet. Often that’s how it is with people around us who are tense or upset…if we probe beneath the surface, so often we find they’re good people, who are responding in a non-constructive manner to external pressures put upon them.
The martial arts motif is present
The characters are dressed in martial arts uniforms, also known as ‘gis’. In martial arts, the principles of balance, controlled response, and discipline are present. As leaders we require all of these attributes when dealing with stressful situations in times of pressure or uncertainty.
It’s a skill tester
All the characters in this image are within a skill tester. Every time in work or life when we are challenged with a stressful situation, it’s ourselves who are tested. It is up to us how we respond to the situation – whether we elect to react aggressively or respond calmly. What better metaphor for this than a ‘skill tester’?
3 tips
I remember a particular time when I took a new job. In my first weeks I devoted myself to meeting with my clients. During one of these sessions, the person I met with complained about a product I had just started to manage. To my surprise, much of this feedback wasn’t directed at the product, but at me as its new owner. It was a challenging moment and I felt myself instantly reacting. Have you ever found yourself in a time like this?
After that session I worked on three simple steps for the next time I found myself in a similar situation. I still follow these tips today:
1.Take a pause and set pace
The first thing to do is set the pace for the conversation. If someone is speaking fast (as we all often do when we’re upset), slow the pace of conversation. It’s much easier to deal with tension when the conversation is slower, and people aren’t cutting each other off. As leaders, setting (and sometimes matching) pace of our interactions is part of our role.
2. Restore breathing
When we’re tense or stressed, our breath elevates into our chest and our shoulders become rigid. By concentrating and taking deep, measured breaths into our diaphragm we are able to manage this tension better. This leaves us better prepared to respond to all types of situations. This is a trick yoga masters have used through the ages to bring calm (also called ‘yogic breathing’).
3. Ask a question
Questions are at the start of any useful dialogue. So when someone confronts you, rather than reacting to them (either by talking ‘at them’ or ‘explaining’), ask a question to the person (or people) directing their energy to you. Simple question such as “can you give me any specific examples where this has occurred?” or “so we can be sure this doesn’t happen again, can you tell me more about what happened” will put you into instant dialogue. As well as helping you understand more about what the underlying issue is they’re concerned about, this removes any compulsion to respond re-actively and in a way that’s not productive.
